Thursday, February 08, 2007
cryystal,
i dont know why.
but i realised,
somehow, i felt the same as you.
primary school days,
where we love our ccas and everything.
we smileeeeeeeeee
we laugh like mad
we talk like forever
although it's not that bad now.
but i dont like my cca
or rather, it's the people there?
rah, i dont know.
although i learnt alot from people of secondary schools.
but humans always compare.
compare with the past.
it's greaaaaaaat now.
really!
but sometimes things really dont go in our way.
how we want things to be.
like..
i want to play cello in the first place.
and i got into chinese orchestra.
started with cello
and suddenly POOF
it's bass.
i dont dislike bass, seriously
but i just dont like being forced to play something.
just that there are no one in bass.
and they have to get someone in?
that's why i realised that
things dont always go in the way we want them to.
and i started to compare.
In primary school,
i want to be in choir.
and im there.
there's no forcing or what
isnt that better?
yeah, i dont like being forced to do sth.
but i really dont dislike bass.
i just dont like the feeling of being forced to play something.
i dont know how my seniors or friends will feel when they see this.
but seriously,
i do blame people
i blame the seniors
i blame the teachers?
but not now,
i know no one wants it to be like this
so i did try to accept it.
but i realised,
it needed more than just telling yourself,
"tolerate. it's just playing bass. what's the big deal?"
but i really really really dont want to be forced
i really really really want to play instruments that i wanted to play
i really really really dont want to stand alone playing bass.
but things just cant change,
i cant say i dont want to play.
and no one plays bass.
there are many many things to consider.
i cant just think of myself.
who will play bass?
i cant be so selfish.
and i really really thank shi hui
yes, she agreed to play bass with me.
but that actually didnt solve the problem.
maybe i m just finding people to give me some courage?
i dont know at all.
i ddddonnnnnnt wwwannnntt all these crap
i dont dislike my seniors
i dont dislike my friends
i dislike not being able to play cello. YES
i dislike being forced to play bass. YES
i didnt want to post this here.
but i need to trash all these idiotic opinions or rants out.
or else i think i cant even sleep at night.
seriously if my seniors see this.
trustme, i dont blame you all.
i just dont like being forced.
i dont like to think about what will happen if i do this and do that.
but i cant just neglect all these.
i dont like telling seniors all these.
cause i dont want to make them feel that im creating troubles for them.
but.............................
you all really dont have to think of doing anything or changing anything after having read this.
i just need some space to pour out all these trash feelings.
i rather you all dont care.
#$%^&*($%@ $^@*(& $(& (@&$ (&!@($ &(@!& ($&(@*&$(@&$ (&$@(&!(&$(!&$(
damn it .
6:24 PM
